Disorder in the Court: a Collection of 'Transquips'
by Richard Lederer

 

Q: Did the lady standing in the driveway tell you who she was?
A: Yes, she did.
Q: Who did she say she was?
A: She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.
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Q: I understand you're Bernie Davis's mother.
A: Yes.
Q: How long have you known him?
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Q: Now, I'm going to show you what has been marked as State's Exhibit Number 2 and ask if you recognize the picture?
A: John Fletcher.
Q: That's you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: And were you there when the picture was taken?
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Q: Please tell me: where was your right foot just before the  accident.
A: Just before the accident, my right foot was right at the
    end of my right leg.
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Q: Was that the same nose you broke when you were a child?
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything
about it until the next morning?
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Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
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Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
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Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
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Q: So, were you gone until you came back?
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Q: Did she have three children?
A: Yes
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there girls?
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Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like,
but can you describe it?
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Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
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Q: Do you remember the time that you examined the body of Mr.  Edington?
A: It was in the evening.  The autopsy started about 8:30 pm.
Q: And was Mr. Edington dead at the time?
A: No, you stupid jerk, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
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